Mundane As Anything Summer Agenda
Sydney Morning Herald
Friday January 13, 1995
DAY ONE: Fly to Brisbane for the start of the Mental As Anything Bicycle Tour. The tour has nothing to do with bicycles, but there's a picture of one on the cover of our new EP.
This is the Mentals' 15th summer tour of Australia. Prince Charles will be presenting us with plastic clown watches on the completion of this historic event. Apparently, he engraves the watches himself with a bunsen-burner. The application of the flame to the back of the watch creates an ugly black welt. This might have a certain abstract beauty, but a more personal message would have been preferable.
Drive to the Gold Coast in our hired Starwagon. It resembles a wheeled biscuit tin more closely than other vans we have enjoyed, but still has ample room for six porky males and their whim-bags. At Surfers Paradise we pass a car-load of sleepy Japanese tourists wearily appreciating the magnificent architecture. After a moderately successful performance at Billy's Beach House, we return to Brisbane, tired but happy.
DAY TWO Hang around the hotel. We are staying at the Dockside, which is just across the river from the glittering city. I am sharing a two-room apartment with my brother Peter.
Drive to Mooloolooba in the Starwagon. Listen to a tape of Deborah Conway's live shows, recorded and mixed by Rupert Pletzer. Rupert is also our mixer and tour manager. We are very pleased to hear Sid Pitlick on the tape reading some love poetry in his mellifluous voice.
Sid is our monitor mixer and also works for Deborah. He lives in Pitt Town, which is near Windsor, so we call him Pitt Town-man. Water Buffalo, Hippopotami, demons from hell and other deep-voiced mammals could not possibly compete with the romantic resonance of Sid's voice. We discuss the possibility of him reading some poetry for us.
Play at the Mooloolooba Hotel. We are supported by the Humm, a power-pop trio from Brisbane, and also by Mick Conway, who does magic tricks and eats some fire. Return to Brisbane.
DAY THREE Drive to Boondall for a soundcheck at the Homestead Hotel. Play to a small but appreciative crowd.
We are supported by the Humm and the Queen Bees, a two-woman comedy team. They bravely entertain the potentially difficult audience.
Rob Moore turns up with some friends from the Brisbane band Custard. Rob is a painter from Ipswich who plays in a band called Cow. They play semi-abstract country music. David, from Custard, also plays in Cow. We have a drink with them in the dressing room after the show.
DAY FOUR Hang around the hotel. Drive to Coolangatta for the New Year's Show at Seagulls Rugby League Club. The Radiators play before us and bring in the New Year for the well-lubricated crowd. We first played with the Rads in 1980, so they are co-veterans of Aussie rock.
Bird's (Mentals' drummer) wife Sue and her daughter Amber come to the show. They are staying with relatives at Broadbeach.
Drive back to Brisbane. We remark sadly on the comparative lack of boisterous revellers stumbling about the streets. The big parties must be elsewhere this year. Happy New Year to the world and everyone in it.
DAY FIVE Day off. Visit Rob Moore and his wife Natalie. Rob shows me some of his new car paintings and a collection of obscure guitars. We have a barbecue lunch in the shade of the enormous hoop pine in their backyard.
Natalie has just completed a PhD in plant pathology, specialising in banana diseases.
I ask her to watch out for lethal species-jumping bio-hazards like the Marburg Virus. It causes people to explode into a vile-smelling mulch of ruptured cells. You never know what filthy micro-organisms are quietly mutating in the house banana.
Return to the Dockside in Natalie's beautiful jade-green Falcon. Watch a performance of blues and soul tunes by the Mighty Reapers. Talk to Dave Brewer, their guitar player. Dave is also a painter. Go to bed.
DAY SIX Another day off. Have a swim. Do some painting. Have dinner at a fish restaurant with the band and crew. Play cards with Greedy, Andy (our lighting operator) and Sid. Lose $20. Go to bed.
DAY SEVEN Drive to Lismore. We follow the banks of the mighty Tweed through the wet and rolling acid-green hills of northern NSW. Martin and Bird do a radio interview at Triple Z in Lismore.
Drive to Ballina and check into the Ballina Hotel. My room is spartan but very pretty, containing two beds with faded pink chenille spreads, a single naked globe and a brown plastic chair with a bible and an ashtray on it.
Dinner at the Hoi Sung Chinese Restaurant. We eat a good meal of crispy skin chicken, spring rolls, garlic prawns and so forth. Greedy clumsily spills the flaming centrepiece of a combination satay onto his lap, setting fire to the tablecloth and burning his thigh. He says he will never again eat in a Chinese restaurant because it's too dangerous.
Drive to Bangalow and play at bowling club. There are plenty of hippies in the audience, both young and old. Sign some T-shirts and Bicycle records. Return to Ballina.
DAY EIGHT Do some painting. Go to the shops. Play at the Ballina Hotel. We are supported by Floyd Vincent and the Childbrides, who play an energetic set of salsa-flavoured Arabic funk music. Floyd used to play in Greedy's band, so we know him quite well. Tom comes backstage to talk for a while. He is a keen fan who turns up to see us in many places and knows a lot about the track listings and lyrics of our records.
DAY NINE Drive to Port Macquarie. A long, slow, wet drive. We pass a field of car bones near Grafton. There is a Dodge skull, a truck skull and a full semi-trailer skeleton, as well as some bits and pieces.
Have dinner at a fish restaurant with Ian and Margaret, two friends from Sydney who now live on a farm in the mountainous hinterland west of Port Macquarie. Play at the new RSL. Crowds are down because the beer is cheaper at the club down the road. Go to sleep in a bony steel foldout bed in the room I share with Peter. He won the toss for the best bed.
DAY TEN Drive to Nambucca Heads. We are stuck behind two four-wheel drive vehicles towing huge caravans that appear to be having a race with each other. If we were gangsters from LA, we would probably pop some caps into their fat caravan-arse.
Play at the Nambucca Heads Indoor Sports Centre to a smallish but enthusiastic crowd.
DAY ELEVEN Drive to Long Jetty. Another long, slow, wet drive. The roads are clogged with sad-eyed motorists returning from glorious holidays to face another year of fear and misery. Play at the Long Jetty Hotel to an excitable audience.
There are a lot of people to talk to backstage. Among the guests are: Mister Blonde, our support band for the night; Martin, a truck driver who used to work for us; the Newcastle girls Narelle, Janelle, Sue and Allison; and a local T-shirt designer. Two of the Newcastle girls actually come from Campbelltown. They are devoted fans who have come to the last five shows, as well as many others.
Drive to Sydney. Pleased to get home.
Mental As Anything were last seen heading south on the coast road, towards Melbourne.
© 1995 Sydney Morning Herald
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